What to Do When You’re Outgrowing Old Friends
By Cherany • Mar 4th, 2008 • Category: Self-Improvement
Photo by Ian Bloomfield
“It’s difficult for me to connect with people. When I run into old friends from school, we exchange excited hellos, talk about how long it’s been, and then… have nothing left to say to each other.
These friends like to go out dancing until dawn, and I’m not interested in doing that. When they invite me along, I’m flattered, but I feel I have to be someone I’m not to fit in with them.
I try really hard to add to our conversations, because I feel I’m not partaking if I’m not talking, but I know I shouldn’t try so hard. I feel if I tried less, the people I like would like me more.”
Well, you have the right idea: first and foremost, you need to be yourself. Not only will others like you more, you’ll like yourself more, too.
It’s common for young adults to reach a point where we feel the friends we enjoyed the company of during our teenage years no longer mesh with who we are as adults. Sometimes, this happens for members of a group around the same time, but more often than not, friends grow and mature at different paces.
Feeling like a misfit in your circle of friends is indicative of one of two problems: 1) you were never compatible friends to begin with, or 2) you’ve outgrown your friends. In this case, it sounds like the latter. As with anything else you outgrow in life, the void needs to be filled with something new. New friends are not a slight to old friends. They are, in fact, necessary to one’s personal development.
It does take effort to form new friendships, so make the most of social situations where you have the opportunity to meet new people, but remember that it should feel natural. Don’t force a friendship. Exchange numbers with people you feel relaxed around and feel a connection with, once you’ve pinpointed some common interests. (Don’t become lax about identifying shared interests or you’ll end up with more friends you’re not that interested in hanging out with.)
Last of all, make sure you call your new friends! Don’t let life’s never-ending to-do list get in the way. Invite them out. Don’t cancel on them. Don’t stand them up. Be the friend you want them to be, and enjoy!
